The Power of Presence

A few day's ago, I began to re-read Ekhart Tolle's The Power of Now.
Like all of the work of Tolle, this book is a journey. You're presented with an opportunity to leave your ego and analytical mind behind as you plunge forward into The Power of Now. You learn, that, what happened in the past, happened in the now. What will happen in the future, will happen in the now. Our lives, happen in the now. He teaches us, that the biggest obstacle to enlightenment and presence, is our mind. Unconsciously, we have allowed our mind to use us, rather than us using it- he refers to this as disease. And, until we can free ourselves from our mind and 'witness' our thoughts, then, we won't experience true enlightenment.

It's a deeply profound and incredibly useful book, and, I'm not doing it any justice with what I'm writing about it, so, I suggest you buy it, and experience it for yourself!

So, presence. Over the weekend, I've become present to many a thing! And, have had some breakthroughs as a result.

By now, you'll all know I'm working for a not-for-profit organisation in a remote Aboriginal Community. Which means it is far from glamorous right? And, you'll also by now know, I moved out of a 2 bedroom, open house into a donga (shipping container) across the road. Definitely not glamorous! (And, for those who think I'm taking an opportunity to harp on about this, quit now! I have accepted this as it is what it is and have turned it into my own)

I've had some problems with the place. The drains are blocked (and smell), the toilet leaks, I have no fly screens on the windows, I have no screen door, the washing machine throws itself across the bathroom and stops mid-cycle, the lino on the floors is old and cracked. I could go on!
My main concern however, have been the fly screens and the washing machine, I could put up with the rest. And, since moving in in February, I've put up with the lot.

Why didn't I ask to have these things repaired? Well, firstly, I've never been great at asking for what I want; of myself or others. And secondly, there's the guilt of working for a not-for-profit organisation and not wanting to spend money on things for oneself.

However, I was reminded that we all pay into a 'maintenance fund' for such repairs. So, on Friday morning I asked. I asked for screens, repairs, and, a new washing machine. That afternoon, I had two tradesmen at my house 'assessing' what was required.

These desert women (and men) out here have mastery over presence, and, asking for what they want! They are only ever in the now. They are never in yesterday, or last week, or 2 years ago, or tomorrow. They're only ever in the now. When they go to the grocery store, they are only ever in the now and buy only the food they require for that day. They practice stillness and are able to dissociate themselves from their minds in a split second, on command!

They also have this almost magical ability to ask for what they want and have it manifested. You could be in the middle of the desert, bogged in the sand, and behind a tree, find a shovel to dig you out. I've seen it. They get so aligned, so present, they attract whatever they want into their space. And, leave the rest of us wondering what the hell happened!

I have been incredibly fortunate this weekend. For the first time, in many months, I have been able to practice stillness. Apart from a trip down the road to drop off Pantjiti and Elsie, I didn't leave the house. A huge breakthrough. And, a result of me becoming present to 'this is what I need'. I created the space to have time to acknowledge and honour myself. To re-fuel, re-energize, re-align and re-ignite. Today, i was able to look at myself, and what I'm creating.

Through the social media realms of Facebook, most of you will know that I've 'put out there' for an opportunity to spend some time at the Borneo Orangutan Survival Sanctuary (BOS) in Indonesia. This is something I've often thought about over the years. Not as a possibility. Just as a "wouldn't that be nice, keep dreaming Victoria". Today, I got 'present' to; "If I want this, I can create it". Funnily enough, I'd already added this to my vision board - a "Creative Visualisation" tool (another great book by Shakti Gawain). My vision board comprises of images, words, articles and affirmations of things I want to achieve.

This is the magic of this. When I did get 'present' to the possibility that I could create this, anything related to (BOS) was starting to show up everywhere! I opened up a magazine on my kitchen table - a BOS ad, a friends page on Facebook - a BOS link, the Sydney Morning Herald online - an ad to 'Save the Orangutans', in my inbox - information on another orangutan sanctuary. Are we getting the picture....?
These signs show up when we are in a state of presence. They showed up because I was present to 'this is what I want to create'.

Am I always present? I try to be. And, when I'm not, either one of these old women will call me on it, or, I get conscious and get myself anchored.

Presence is the most powerful place to operate from. It's where creations are birthed, and from where magic occurs. Try it!

Kuwari - Today - A Day In The Life Of

Saturday

7am

"Victoria!!!" "Bang, thud, bang" Pantjiti, banging on my un-insulated, corrugated iron donga - aka - shipping container. I lay in bed, open my eyes and lay still. I tilt my head and I can see Uluru out of my bedroom window.

"Victoria! Mungawinki! Vic-toria! Nyuntu-pa nana, Pantjiti!" Transaltion - "Victoria, it's morning. Victoria. It's your nana, Pantjiti!"

"I know who you are" I'm thinking, and crawl under the doona.

"You better get up" Ben says.

"No, you better get up" I reply. "She'll go if we're really quiet" I whisper to him.

And, she did. And off we dozed.....

9am

"Vic-toria!" Bang, bang, against the bedroom wall!

"I ain't movin' " Ben says

"Victoria! Kunkga! (kungka means young girl) Mamu ere! (Mamu is ghost or spirit)

I drag myself out of bed, disoriented and open the door. The wind has begun to gently pick up and carries a Coke can along the sand, making a hollow tin can like noise as it bounces by. Pantjiti, blind in one eye looks at me and laughs.

"Munta! ('oops') Sorry!"

"Nyaa nyangatja?" (What's this? What's wrong?) I ask her from the door.

"Hey, mamu der last night" She whispers

"Yaaltji" (where) I ask her.

"That place over der" she whispers again, pointing to the Artist HQ "Room 1"

"Ngananya?" (Who was it) I whisper back

"Must be Yvonne ey. Someone threw a brick. " She says

"Maybe" I reply.

Yvonne normally stays in Room 1 when she's in from Docker River and is very territorial! It would be fair to say that she was letting Pantjiti know that she was on her turf!

"That Billy Cooley heard me scream. We put my swag in number 2" She laughed.

"Udda kungka yaaltji?"(where's that other girl) She wanted to know.

"Yaalitja kungka?" (which girl) I ask Pantjiti

"That ranger - Tracey"

"Must be at 'ome" I tell her

"Ring him up" She says

"Wiya. She's busy. Too early. We ring up after" I tell her.

"You might take me ey" Pantjiti told me

"Take you where?" I asked her, still in my jim jams

"Elsie ku ngura" (Elsies house)

"Uwoh. Elsie ngura kutju ( Elsie's house only). Then I gotta come home. Palya?" I asked her

"Uwa palya"

2pm

Ben decided to go into work which had left me in a space of quiet, and, openness. A friend had been in touch with me asking to review some of their work. Having completed my own tasks, I happily got to work.

I heard the washing machine finish it's cycle. I had to get those sheets on the line - rain was coming.

I was pegging my sheets on the line when the infamous sound of a diesel troopie was getting closer.

"Hey kami! (granddaughter). We visiting!" It was Elsie and Pantjiti. My 'grandmothers'.

"Allo nanas!"

I was in a mode of focus and concentration. Nothing would get in my way. Unless of course, two gorgeous old girls arrived at my house!

"You ladies want cuppa-tea?" I asked them.

"Uwa, uwa"

"You can stay, but I'm doing that whitefella work on the computer. Palya?" and I handed them their cups of tea.

"Uwa. You right" Elsie said

I sat back in front of the computer and continued what I was doing.

"Hey, kami, you 'ome"? That was Billy, my grandfather and his wife (my nana) Lulu

"Hello tjamu. Nyuntu palya"? (you good?) I asked him.

Billy and Lulu joined Elsie and Pantjiti who were sitting on my rolled swag.

"Yeh I'm right. You take us shopping?" Billy asked me.

"Wiya. I'm stayin' 'ere today. Ben'll take ya"

"Yeh, that's right" he said. Billy was wearing the most funkiest glasses I'd seen! They were 70's style sunnies with pink lenses and translucent yellow frames. Deadly!
Billy and Lulu wandered off and Elsie and Pantjiti started unrolling canvas' and unpacking paints.

I returned inside (again) to continue working. It was quite magical, having those two women on my doorstep translating the depths of their tjkurpa (dreaming) and creativity onto canvas as they chatted and laughed away, while I was reading and typing - in my own world of creativity.

Within half an hour, they were ready to move again - these ladies get around!

"Vic-toria (most of this mob pronounce my name with a pause in the middle!) you got any of that smelly stuff?" Pantjiti asked

"Yaalitja? That incense" I asked her

"Uwa."

"I'll give you some" I laughed

"Wiru-nya" (beautiful)

So, off we went again, both ladies with nag champa incense in their hand bags!

Getting On With It

The sun has just set behind Uluru, creating a backdrop of pink, purple and grey hues in the sky. I find myself sitting on my verandah smoking a cigarette enjoying stillness and quiet.

Within a moment, the howling of dogs fills the air - echoing throughout the community. They started a fair way away, and now, they're getting closer.. I begin to hear a creaking sound - whatever it is, it needs oiling! Then I see. It is Lilian in her wheelchair, her 14 year old granddaughter is struggling to push her through the soft red sand. Lilian is softly spoken and quite shy, and she has a smile that brings light to the most darkest of hours.

I watch them as they disappear around the corner, the barking of the dogs moving with them.

I'm left wondering...

Just before this, I read the judgement of another 14 year old (whose name and community I won't mention) who hung herself from a tree with an extension cord after having an argument with her mother over cigarettes.

Why am I sharing this, you might ask? Not entirely sure, but, after seeing the front page of a Sydney newspaper writing about a $40M upgrade to the Sydney Fish Markets, I figured this young girls life was worth acknowledging, and, am questioning why - with this money floating around - why is it not being poured into remote communities - across Australia, not just NT - to improve and, add services. Communities in so called "hick towns" are forgotten about and ignored because they're out of view!

But back to Lili and her extraordinary grandaughter who we'll call 'Daisy'. Daisy attends school regularly and helps to care for her grandmother and two younger sisters. She is introverted and quite shy but once she gets to know you, she'll let you in and share with you her deepest passions and aspirations.

Now, we all know, most 14 year olds in the big smoke wouldn't want a bar of pushing their grandmother and her wheelchair through sand, I'm 27 and try to avoid any dealings with my grandparents! I cringe when I make the token phone call every six months!

Out here, that's just life. Young people and old people are doing many things others wouldn't care to. Because, the attitude people have is to just get on with it. Time isn't wasted, dwelling, thinking "why me?". Something's gotta be done, and they do it. They're not waiting for someone to come along and do it for them.
As I mentioned earlier, there is a severe lack of services and resources, less than people care to acknowledge. This has been accepted as; 'it is what it is'. No-one is sitting around waiting for a miracle. People get on with it and make do with what resources they have.

I'm happy to admit, that, for quite a while at one point in my life, I was a person who spent time blaming other people and feeling sorry for myself. And, I have people in my life who are blaming others and moping around. Not even attempting to make any changes - and these people are in the City - lots of support there!

So, what is it that keeps people going in these remote areas. What drives them? And, what's the excuse for those who have access to support and resources readily available to them in the realms of suburbia?

While these guys are getting on with it, what are we not getting on with in our 3 bedroom suburban homes and airconditioned offices? What are we blaming other people for?

And, when will the heart of this country be seen??

Another Place, Another Time

It's Easter Sunday, and here I am in Alice Springs. It's hot, humid, and I'm sitting in my own sweat after my third cold shower today. I arrived here yesterday with my two extra passengers. Daniel, 9 and Justin 12. They hitched a ride into town with me to attend the Lightning Carnival - a football/sports carnival. They came in with me because their father had forgotten them and didn't realise they weren't in the car until he arrived 450km later!

When I left Mutiitjulu to come to Alice Springs, it felt like an escape or a flee. What I needed was some downtime and time away from the constant demands of community living. I arrived on a friends doorstep exhausted and ragged, and, incredibly raw. Overwhelmed, I made an attempt at having an intellectual conversation and tried to hide where I was actually at, but, all I could do was cry. After a debrief and a strong cup of coffee, I retreated to my bedroom for a lay down.

I began flicking through a magazine and then logged on to work emails - I couldn't get away! And, I certainly couldn't relax. So, I got in the car and drove off looking for something to do. Nothing. No-one needed anything, There wasn't any running around to do. "My God" I thought. "There's plenty to do. What could I be doing"? I asked myself. "You gotta stop". That womans voice again. I drove back to Naomis stopping at the service station for a pack of ciggarettes, and, returned to my room.

I could hear Naomi snoring, so I thought perhaps it might be a good idea if I lay down too. "I'm not going to sleep" I thought. So, I lay there, breathing deeply and entered into a meditation to slow my body down. Before I knew, I had drifted to sleep, or so I thought..

I felt someone take my hand. When I looked, it was Nellie. Nellie is one of the traditional owners of Umutju. An incredibly sacred and remote area of South West NT. It is the land of the mother and home to many spirit children. It is said that, women would travel to this land when they were ready to conceive and a spirit child would enter her womb. To this day, when and where possible, women will visit Umutju when they are ready to conceive.

I opened my eyes, my hand still in Nellies and I was in awe of what I saw. An abundance of crystal blue waters flowing, and a lusciously green desert.
Physically, Umutju is rather harsh. The ground is thorny, the area is remote and the status remains TBE (to be established). This means, it is incredibly difficult for anyone to live out there and care for that land. Energetically however, Umutju is soft, nurturing and, is a place of a higher dimension and frequency. Its waterholes hold potent healing water, and you don't leave this place not feeling fully charged.

I could hear Nellie speaking to me, telling me what was going on. We were in another time, where this land could be lived on, and, lived off. The abundance of water and crops made it easy. And, what was even more profound, was that there men, and, women, both black and white living here together. This area had always been for women.

I woke up from this trip to Umutju with my body still vibrating and I began to sob.
I phoned Nellie to get a grip on this phenomenon - as you can imagine, I was feeling quite rattled, and, if you're reading this, you might think I am insane!
Nellie told me about what we saw and how this is her dream for Umutju. "This what it's gonna be like one day. But first you gotta heal, and that land gotta heal".
While it's no surprise as I see it all the time from these women, it still blows me away - the level of connection and consciousness and wisdom these women have. From Adelaide, she conciously took me to Umutju for some reason I don't understand. These women have the capacity to be absolutely rooted and grounded and, be somewhere else simultaneously, taking you with them.

Under Nellies guidance, I can only share parts of what occurred.
These connections and experiences are an absolute privilege, and, I have much to learn from them, like, being grounded, and, being able to travel somewhere else without getting lost in the ethers. It's a skill, and, one I will continue to develop with age and experience, accompanied by the guidance of the elders.

Isolation Vs Overwhelm

The sun has set behind Uluru and I find myself in a place of calm. Candles and incense are burning and I'm reveling in my clean space after spending 7 hours on housework!

Janet, an artist from Ernabella is staying at our Artist HQ after having spent a week out here for womens business. Janet carries the essence of a young girl. She is in her 50's and has a silver head of tight ringlets. Sweet? Sometimes. If you upset Janet, you'll be the first to know! She has the capacity to be very loud, demanding and can carry on like a spoilt child! She is the "baby" among the elders, but is a very highly respected inma woman, known for her dancing and singing. I'm watching her outside my window, moths swarming to the lights around her and she is screaming at whoever is on the other end of her new mobile phone. A part finished canvas at her feet bearing the "Kungka Kutjara" tjukurpa. (Two sisters) the youngest who is sick from over menstruating as her blood soaks into the earth.

A few days ago, many women, black and white emerged from the womens site after having 5 days of inma (womens ceremonies). It is a time of healing, learning, coming home to oneself, and, of uncovering many layers. And, many layers there were! Boundaries are tested and one's ability to cope with heat, thousands of flies, and camping out for 5 days with no amenities can be an absolute challenge.

As someone who is living and working on community, I experience moments of isolation and lonliness. And, although I have friends out here who help fill that void, there are times where I feel an incompleteness, and, a discomfort with being with myself. This at times can be incredibly confronting and challenging. It's in the moment that I surrender to these emotions that I am able to have freedom around it. The biggest challenge this week has been around the fact that I had some friends come out for inma, and, one friend in particular. We met out here a few years ago and I felt a connection instantly. She is my mirror. Over the past week, we spent most of our time sitting together in hysterics, laughing at the ridiculous behaviour people display when they are trying to 'cope'. While she is here, she is an anchor for me.
Twice a year, I crave on this contact with the women and thrive on it while they are here.

So, the next few days, I'm reintegrating and transitioning into the "being with myself" space. As unconfortable as this is, I know this is what I have to learn. The old women here have been teaching me stillness and being present in the moment. What they have also been teaching me is to have more boundaries and doing what is right for my own sanity.

Over the past few weeks, I have been pushing myself to the point of almost burning out. Trying to keep everyone happy and having their needs met is a big task, and, something I try so hard to do. Timely, yesterday one of the elders came and knocked on my door to check on me. She reminded me that by trying to please everyone and meeting their needs, I'm missing out on my needs being met which would make me useless to anyone. "They're trying to teach you to say no. But you're not listening. You gotta say no sometimes. They want you to say no. You're too soft. Too too soft. If you don't toughen up, you won't survive out here."

After she left, I sat with that thought for a while. She was right. If I didn't begin to get clear on my boundaries, there was no way I'd survive. In all honesty, thoughts had begun creeping into my mind about shooting off. Of just leaving and not telling anyone. But then, where would I go? Certainly, my intention is to keep moving around Australia, but, there's more for me to learn in the Red Centre yet!

Will I ever stay grounded in my boundaries? Eventually. Perhaps my way of getting through the periods of lonliness and isolation is to run around after people, trying to please them. And, if this is the case, then when will I ever feel comfortable with being with myself? That's what I'm learning. Everything else that comes with it is a bonus.