Isolation Vs Overwhelm

The sun has set behind Uluru and I find myself in a place of calm. Candles and incense are burning and I'm reveling in my clean space after spending 7 hours on housework!

Janet, an artist from Ernabella is staying at our Artist HQ after having spent a week out here for womens business. Janet carries the essence of a young girl. She is in her 50's and has a silver head of tight ringlets. Sweet? Sometimes. If you upset Janet, you'll be the first to know! She has the capacity to be very loud, demanding and can carry on like a spoilt child! She is the "baby" among the elders, but is a very highly respected inma woman, known for her dancing and singing. I'm watching her outside my window, moths swarming to the lights around her and she is screaming at whoever is on the other end of her new mobile phone. A part finished canvas at her feet bearing the "Kungka Kutjara" tjukurpa. (Two sisters) the youngest who is sick from over menstruating as her blood soaks into the earth.

A few days ago, many women, black and white emerged from the womens site after having 5 days of inma (womens ceremonies). It is a time of healing, learning, coming home to oneself, and, of uncovering many layers. And, many layers there were! Boundaries are tested and one's ability to cope with heat, thousands of flies, and camping out for 5 days with no amenities can be an absolute challenge.

As someone who is living and working on community, I experience moments of isolation and lonliness. And, although I have friends out here who help fill that void, there are times where I feel an incompleteness, and, a discomfort with being with myself. This at times can be incredibly confronting and challenging. It's in the moment that I surrender to these emotions that I am able to have freedom around it. The biggest challenge this week has been around the fact that I had some friends come out for inma, and, one friend in particular. We met out here a few years ago and I felt a connection instantly. She is my mirror. Over the past week, we spent most of our time sitting together in hysterics, laughing at the ridiculous behaviour people display when they are trying to 'cope'. While she is here, she is an anchor for me.
Twice a year, I crave on this contact with the women and thrive on it while they are here.

So, the next few days, I'm reintegrating and transitioning into the "being with myself" space. As unconfortable as this is, I know this is what I have to learn. The old women here have been teaching me stillness and being present in the moment. What they have also been teaching me is to have more boundaries and doing what is right for my own sanity.

Over the past few weeks, I have been pushing myself to the point of almost burning out. Trying to keep everyone happy and having their needs met is a big task, and, something I try so hard to do. Timely, yesterday one of the elders came and knocked on my door to check on me. She reminded me that by trying to please everyone and meeting their needs, I'm missing out on my needs being met which would make me useless to anyone. "They're trying to teach you to say no. But you're not listening. You gotta say no sometimes. They want you to say no. You're too soft. Too too soft. If you don't toughen up, you won't survive out here."

After she left, I sat with that thought for a while. She was right. If I didn't begin to get clear on my boundaries, there was no way I'd survive. In all honesty, thoughts had begun creeping into my mind about shooting off. Of just leaving and not telling anyone. But then, where would I go? Certainly, my intention is to keep moving around Australia, but, there's more for me to learn in the Red Centre yet!

Will I ever stay grounded in my boundaries? Eventually. Perhaps my way of getting through the periods of lonliness and isolation is to run around after people, trying to please them. And, if this is the case, then when will I ever feel comfortable with being with myself? That's what I'm learning. Everything else that comes with it is a bonus.