My thoughts - unedited 10th December 2010

This is a journal entry I decided to share as part of my blog

**~~~~~~~*~~~******~~~~~~~***~~~~*~~~~
Today, I've experienced overwhelm in a way I haven't for quite some time. So much so, I broke down in tears at work.
I am not normally one to cry in front of others, unless I've been touched or moved by someone or something. And even then I hold back. Why do I view my capacity to show emotion in front of others as a sign of weakness? I wish I could be strong all the time.

Seeing Oprah yesterday made me cry. Seeing Oprah with nanna Judy made me bawl. In that moment, two incredibly extraordinary women made a connection. A connection I'm sure, neither will forget. Their meeting one another was soul deep and heart felt. What I loved about Oprah was observing someone of her calibre with this mob here, and, how she related to them. It wasn't the 'visiting the aboriginal people of Uluru' visit out of tokenism. It was genuine. My sense was, that she was genuinely moved this mob. Her energy is quite large, but not expansive. It is warm and grounded.

I hadn't really cared for Oprah all that much. Sure, I'd occasionally watch her on TV, and, I had admiration for her, but I wouldn't call myself a groupie or a raging fan, or anything of the like.
Truth be told, I wasn't actually going to bother going to see her. But, after a conversation with a friend and my sister, I realised it was an opportunity I'd be mad to miss. I hadn't actually stopped to get present to who Oprah actually was. And, what I got was, that she was far more than that 'woman I had watched on the tele'.

So, a day later on very little sleep, and a sister who was so wired and hadn't slept in more than 24 hours, I hit a brick wall. My next insight, I don't stop to make enough time for me. This is when the internal dialogue kicks in. 'What do you mean you don't make time for you? Didn't you have a weekend in Alice?" I mean really, Alice isn't the ideal 'get-away' destination. "Haven't you booked yourself into a retreat?" Yes, I have - and I can't wait! And, I can't help feeling guilty.
But, what I know is, I absolutely, wholly and completely deserve these treats. And, I deserve a break.

So, when I had my little cry, it was in front of 3 men. And, no one ran! They didn't know where to look, but they didn't run either! Today was a long day. Until the afternoon. Ben has this amazing way of just showing up with the goods at the perfect moment. He thought it would be good to take me for a drive out bush. We took a track which runs off Docker Rd. The rangers had blocked the track off with big sticks and branches, which we avoided and drove straight over! The track was very narrow which meant we were driving very close to, and through, trees! We used the chainsaw to cut some logs for the old tjilpis (senior men) so they could carve punu (wooden artefacts) from them. A woman with a chainsaw - look out!

After that, we collected some fire wood for the old people and blasted a few bunnies. A woman with a rifle - now that's asking for trouble! On the way home, Ben stopped so we could watch a Kata Tjuta sunset. What was special about that moment was that we both realised we couldn't remember the last time we'd stopped and actually enjoyed a sunset. Here, I made a conscious decision to leave whatever got to me today right there and as I sat on the ground, I requested the red soil beneath me took what no longer served me. I then made the committment to myself that I would actually stop and listen to what my soul and what my body needs, rather than avoiding it and not being present to where I am at.

Today I give thanks for:

My journal
Oprah
Nana Judy
Ben
Chrissy
Louise
My bed
Mother Earth
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So - who moves, touches, and inspires you? And, do you stop and make time for nurturing yourself often enough?